Posted by: reddiva | January 23, 2010

Stop! Look! Laugh!


For over a year, our lives have been in a boiling cauldron of indecision.  Those of us who remember simpler times have seen our worlds turned practically upside down.  We have been threatened with everything from big brother’s interference in our daily lives to death panels.

Many of us had time for a little breather from the new stressful lives we were being forced to live when Sarah Palin was suddenly “out there” with her book signing tour encouraging us to hold on and fight back.  She smiled at us, gave us a reason to laugh from time to time and spread her love for America to our bookstores, grocery stores, Sam’s Clubs, and military bases.

Then came our Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  Maybe we were able to put our worries aside for a few hours – long enough to realize that as bad as we viewed our new world, things could be much worse.  They could, couldn’t they?  Well, couldn’t they?

Along came a distraction for all of us.  Massachusetts did the absolutely unthinkable – they elected a Republican in a special election to represent them in the US Senate.

Our newspapers, magazines and television are filled with “trust me” ads and more of the usual “support this – support that” campaign.  We cried with and prayed for the people of Haiti as they were so disastrously  affected by a hurricane.

Just when we thought our voices were being totally ignored by the people we had elected to represent us, we began to see a little change in a few of those people.  Those who had been shouting things like, “we have to tell the American people what they need because they don’t know what they need,” are now saying things like, “I don’t think the votes are there to pass this.”

You probably got this email as well, but many times we don’t open emails which say “FWD” because we are just plainly tired of more bad news – especially with our morning coffee.  I very rarely open forwards, and I never do if they are from people who are only acquaintances – not really good friends.  Everyone has many of those people on our email lists.

I opened this email from a lady I know through one of the organizations we both belong to.  I am very glad I did.  This email provided the first totally soul-lifting laugh I have had in… my goodness, I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard.  I had to stop several times to wipe the tears from my eyes and catch my breath. You may not laugh as hard as I did, but maybe it will bring you a full smile if not a real laugh.

I had always thought that people who treated their pets like full-fledged family members must have nothing in their lives they felt deserving of their love and attention.  I had a Siamese cat.  I have always loved cats, but even my precious cat did not stop me from realizing he was an animal whom I loved having around – from time to time.  Then I got my adorable Pekingese puppies – one by one, they stole my heart and changed my life.

As each one of them went to “pet heaven”, I cried with the loss, felt the emptiness and moved on promising myself I would never have pets again.  I could enjoy watching other people with their pets and ooh and ahh over them enjoying their sweetness without getting “involved. ”

It’s a short email, but if you didn’t read it, you should have.  That’s why I’m putting it on the front page for you.  We as a nation need to lighten our moods if even for the length of time it takes to read this.

If you are like me and thought you had forgotten how to laugh, read on:

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT
DON’T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Racing me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!  If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:
Kiss me first then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt.  I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL  NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR  PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.  That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less
(2) don’t ask for money all the time
(3) are easier to train
(4) normally come when called
(5) never  ask to drive the car
(6) don’t smoke or drink
(7)  don’t want to wear your clothes
(8) don’t have to buy  the latest fashions
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars  for college and
(10) if  they get pregnant, you can sell their children …

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Responses

  1. How well I can relate !! With two sixteen yr old dogs and a fourteen yr old cat, I have said many times, when I win the Lottery, I’m going to get a door man.


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